My Asexual Story—from Deconstruction to Renaissance
My Post for International Asexuality Day.
It took me until 26 to officially know I'm asexual. My life was rough before finding out I'm asexual. I oftentimes because of peer pressure tried to force myself to be sexual, even though I didn't want to. It only left me feeling miserable, hating myself.
Society through compulsory sexuality puts so much pressure on everyone to be sexual, as if everyone has to have sex in order to be considered normal and healthy. Growing up listening to R&B and rap made it seem like the only way to gain respect as a man was through having sex.
Society kept enforcing the message that there was something wrong with me because I wasn't having sex. Watching movies and television made it seem like I was missing out because I was (and still am) a virgin.
Movies like Superbad & The 40 Year-Old Virgin portrayed people who don't have sex as losers who act like immature children.
TV shows like Glee & Grey's Anatomy made the virgin characters out to be socially awkward geeks and prudes that everyone should mock, shame, and jeer.
Media and society's constant messaging made me feel out to feel like I was the uncool outsider. Because of that, I felt immense pressure to "fit in" with everyone else and do things that I didn't want to do in the first place.
I was watching all of my friends beginning to have sex in high school, and I felt I had to in order to keep up with them. If I had known about asexuality when I was in grade school, I would have been so much more content and cozy in my skin.
I feel more whole as a person after finding out I'm asexual. I have a greater self-knowledge & consciousness than I ever had before. I have a greater love for life than I ever did before.
Finding my asexuality has helped me discover what makes me tick—what my favorite hobbies are, who I am as a person, what are my core beliefs, and what causes I am passionate for.
I've found personal concordance thanks to finding asexuality and the asexual community at large.
I'm:
a choir geek (I sing bass 2, btw)
a singer,
a basketball player,
an NBA fan (go Thunder! OKC!!)
a Ted Lasso fan,
a teetotaler
a trivia geek
and asexual
And I'm cozy with who I am!
Discovering I’m asexual has been one of the greatest revelations in my life, bringing me clarity as a person, alongside wholeness and euphoria. That's why asexuality matters a great deal to me.
—Songbird 💜♠️🏹🂡