Ace Week Post #1 My old post from Twitter.
Happy Ace Week 2024, everyone
In case you didn’t know, this week is Ace Week. The last full week in October is Ace Week, my favorite week of the calendar. During this week, I will talk about some topics related to asexuality and share my experiences being an asexual person. So, prepare for a bevvy of posts to come from me.
I wrote this post originally on Twitter, and I found it again, because I think it still rings true today. I am transferring this post now, because I want to get some of my old post to my substack.
People say that asexual people don't face discrimination (and thus don't belong in the LGBTQ+ community). Here's a reply for that: A 2012 study of bias among college students, for example, found that asexuals were “viewed as less human, and less valued as contact partners..."
https://www.thedailybeast.com/theres-nothing-wrong-with-being-asexual/
The dehumanization of aces due to not experiencing sexual attraction and/or having no interest in sex leads to damaging stereotypes, erasure, and misrepresentation in media, literature, & society.
Aces are stereotyped as being robotic, cold, & indifferent aliens, due to not experiencing sexual interest. Case in point: Sherlock Holmes, Dexter, Sheldon. We aces are thought to be somehow "broken" or "dysfunctional" because we simply lack an attraction or interest in sex.
Steven Moffat, the writer for Sherlock's BBC show, stated in no uncertain terms that Benedict Cumberbatch's Sherlock couldn't be asexual because if he were, there would be "no tension in that, no fun in that."
This dehumanization of aces leads to many harmful and toxic ideas about aces, as well as people thinking we need "fixing".
CW: The idea that aces need to be "fixed" or "corrected" is another one. Case in point: House MD The trope that a person not being interested in sex being "defective" has led to many aces being the victims of "corrective rape" and conversion therapy (torture).
In the 2015 asexual community census, a volunteer-run project, 43.5% of nearly 8,000 aces surveyed reported having experienced some form of sexual violence (including rape, assault, and coercion).
I went through this exact experience when I was 17. I had someone when she found out I was a virgin (and still am) try to pressure me into having sex with her, touching me inappropriately. She when I told her to stop said that she was "trying to help me". I didn't want help.
These negative ideas about aces can be found in consummation laws, where a marriage can be voided because the couple didn't have sex, placing the asexual spouse at fault.
https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/europe/france/8741895/Frenchman-ordered-to-pay-wife-damages-for-lack-of-sex.html
The National LGBT Survey 2018 found that 7% of LGBT+ people have been offered or undergone conversion therapy. Asexual people were also at a higher risk of being offered or undergoing conversion therapy (10%).
https://www.stonewall.org.uk/news/netflix-e2-80-99s-pray-away-shows-us-horrors-religious-conversion-practices-here-e2-80-99s-why-we-need
All of this fits under the category of compulsory sexuality. Here is a great paper on that.
My friend, David J. Bradley, did a great episode on the House episode, breaking down why House's episode on asexuality was problematic and how it leads to things like corrective rape & conversion therapy.
Coming out as ace can also be a difficult experience. A study on 169 asexual people published in April 2016 by Yale University found that many encountered dismissal and skepticism on coming out.
https://nationalpost.com/news/canada/asexuality-own-unique-sexual-orientation
When I came out as ace, my family didn't even believe me. My mother said I was just being particular and not willing to "give anyone a chance". I also got the all-too-common patronization of "You just haven't met the right person yet."
People act like they know aces better than we know ourselves. That kind of patronization leads to aces being infantilized, as if we aren't truly mature unless we had sex. This was seen in Sheldon in the Big Bang Theory being portrayed as a child until he met Amy.
This is called amatonormativity.
Youtuber Tara Mooknee has a great Youtube video breaking down the harms of amatonormativity.
Dr. Elizabeth Brake described amatonormativity to describe the widespread assumption that everyone is better off in an exclusive, romantic, long-term coupled relationship, and that everyone is seeking such a relationship. To the exclusion of singles.
https://elizabethbrake.com/amatonormativity/
This hits polyamorous people and aro/ace people in the biggest way. Think of all the terms used to describe a single adult, regardless of gender: "Spinster", "Old Maid", "Confirmed Bachelor", "In the Closet", just to name a few.
The negative assumptions permeated with amatonormativity lead to real-life discriminations. There has been some research that indicates heterosexual persons are intentionally biased against asexual persons and would likely avoid them and discriminate against them in housing and jobs, sometimes even preferring other sexual minorities over asexual people (MacInnis & Hodson, 2012)
https://academicworks.cuny.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1050&context=jj_etds
I think that all counts as discrimination, wouldn't you say?
Being viewed as not really human,
Less likely to be hired,
Less likely to be accepted for housing,
Conversion therapy,
"Corrective" rape,
Less likely to be accepted when coming out Looks like discrimination to me.
This evidence should be proof to everyone that aces are discriminated against, and there are significantly harmful attitudes against us aces that need to be debunked and dismantled.
I will never say that aces have it the hardest or that we as aces go through more than any other identity in the LGBTQ+ community. I am just saying that we as aces do go through quite a lot. All we ask is our experiences be not downplayed. That's all we aces are asking for.
All we aces are asking for is your love. We want friendship, we want community, and we want the cake as well (Yum!).
In seriousness, all we want deep down is to be just be accepted as we are, not as some defect that needs "correcting". That is all.
—Songbird ♠️💜🏹🂡